I’m going to try and catch up on all the things that have been happening, since its 7:20 am on a Saturday, and I cannot sleep any more.
Some updates:
* work is still crazy. my dutch boy boss has been out of office at least 3 days a week, claiming to be sick or at a dr’s appt. The funny thing is, the same held true for last week. Just the thought of her hypocrasy makes me angry. On the upside – I have been contacted about a few opportunities at other companies. Nothing is a given/sure thing though, so I am just going to approach this 1-step at a time…while keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best… My promise, however, is that I will throw an Emancipation of DX: Las Vegas ’06 party in sin city when I do get a job that pays/treats me what I’m worth. I plan on renting out a suite, inviting all my friends, and getting drunk the entire weekend.
*my french ex bf – Frenchy – has been emailing me like crazy. I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but he is going to move to Canada. Before he goes, he is thinking of coming to SF to make a pit stop. I am happy to see him and hang out with him, but I feel like my how the tables have turned. I just don’t want him to get the wrong idea. God, what was it, like 6 years ago when I wanted to visit him in France – just as friends – and he told me it wouldnt be a good idea. I guess it’s true what they say about everything coming full-circle. If we can remain platonic, then Id love to see him, but I’m afraid that he will want more. What is it about guys who just turn 30? Its like some chip in their head is activated, and they finally realize how much their past relationships meant to them.
*the other day, D amd I were having a pretty good convo about boys. One of her bridesmaids is totally into this one guy, even though she keeps telling us she isnt. I told her that it took me 28 years to learn a very simple lesson – and that is don’t be with people who don’t want to be with you. Even if they are nice. Even if they have the potential to be amazing people. Even if they have supported you and been there for you during certain moments. The fact of the matter is that if a guy flakes on you or pushes you away, or is giving you iffy answers, or is dodging the question, or if a guy is just confusing you by being emotionally inconsistent…then you have to make the decision and say – I will not accept this kind of behavior. I think scb’s behavior really pushed me to the brink. When I was in nyc in september, and the old scb came back to me, I realized – this is the one single day in almost a year when he was the scb I loved. The rest of the 364 days, he treated me like shit. I don’t care what his motives are, or why he does this or that – he’s a flake. And thats just bullshit. I know I have incredibly high standards for people, but you don’t flake on people you care about. So even though I know that he has the potential to be such an amazing person, I also have to choose to accept the fact that he refuses to be this amazing person at this time in his life. So be it. I’m really really over it.
*Speaking of the wedding, D&G have a bet going concerning this one friend of theirs. D thinks that I will get bored of this guy first. G thinks that the guy will get bored with me first, considering that he’s very picky about women. There is this whole story about how he went out with a girl for 2 years even though he was so lukewarm about it. Well, I’m not sure I’m his type, but I definitely know he’s not mine. I’m sure hes funny and great and all that, but come on, I’m going to need a little more than that. I told D to cash in on the bet bc I was already bored. Heh.
*I have actually been noticing some fairly cute guys in the city lately. I’m confused by what cosmic power is allowing this. Maybe they are aliens from another planet, b/c it does not compute. There was this really cute guy working at Trader Joe’s who was very flirty the other day. Very cute. And tall. I really didn’t know what to do though – the last thing I expected while looking for marinara sauce is to have some cute guy talk to me. And then theres my ex co-workers roomie who is a 24 ro 25-yr old architect who just moved to the city. God, I really need to just meet him and see what hes all about. The truth is that I just love younger guys. I know they most likely can’t give me what I need, but until I find an older guy – like the completely fabricated bachelor – who can come to the table with a little bit of energy and passion, then forget it. Im fine on my own.
And now for the more in-depth and long-delayed write-ups:
Bachelorette Party
why god, why?
P and I met up with D and LM at the vegas airport. After waiting forever for luggage, and then for cabs, we finally arrived at our suite in the Venetian. The suite was beautiful, and I have always always wanted to stay at the Venetian, but god, it was like a fucking maze to get to our room. I think it must have taken a good 15 minutes to get all the way to our suite. We had a pretty good view of the strip from our room, so that was an extra bonus.
Unfortunately, we were all so tired. I felt bad about that, but work had been nightmarish and I hadn’t been sleeping too much those days. P had stayed out the night before, and was kind of hungover on the plane to vegas. But D and LM were ready to rock. It was my first time meeting LM (shes the bridsemaid who likes that one guy but keeps denying it) and I liked her. Shes very lively and energetic and boy-crazy. Its fun to see someone in their 30s with that kind of energy. Not that 30 is old – its just that by 30, you usually see people buckling down and getting all serious about like decorating their house or something. Anyway, we had lunch, got situated, met up with the other girls in the party, and then before we knew it, it was getting late.
We split off into 2 groups – me, LM, and P walked to the liquor store while D and the other girls went downstairs to gamble. We loaded up on liquor, gatorade, chasers, vitamins, red bull – pretty much stocked up on everything we could get our hands on, which we put to good use before and after dinner. We intentionally kept D out of the planning phases. I know that she would resist going to a strip club, but its really a rite of passage. So after dinner, we rushed to the limo and were swept away to the famed Olympic Gardens.
Um. Sweet jesus was that place scary as hell. And expensive as hell. First thing that happened upon entering the club was all these half-naked guys rushed up to us asking us if we wanted to get D on stage. Well, of course we did. So we paid to get her double-teamed. We requested blonde-hair blue-eyed guys bc thats what D likes (even tho shes not a white girl herself. heh.) We tried to get drunk really quickly, but were interrrupted by so many guys asking us if we wanted lap dances. Ive been to other strip clubs before (for the occassional bday and bparty) but ive never had to PAY for a lap dance. I mean usually the dudes will just start dancing for tips. Whatever, lame.
After a while, we all moved closer to the stage. There was a dance going on and this one guy came so close to me and P that we both instantaneosly scooted our chairs away from him. I was scared for my life in that place, and so damn tense. If theres one thing that I am not turned on by its overly buff gym-bodies — greased up with coconut oil. i told P that if any guy so much as touched me, I would rip his balls off. As I was saying that to her, this spikey haired gay dude came up to me and asked if we wanted a lap dance. He just took me by surprise and I screamed so damn loud. P was pretty into him though. I guess she just loves blonde guys with spiky hair and nipple rings.
We weren’t there for long (read: we hadn’t had enough to drink) when they called D onstage to double team her. Too bad one of the guys was a total latino fabio. The other was ok – blonde/blue eyes so he was acceptable. But the other one – gross dude. As D said later, “i can’t get that coconut smell off of me.” Without going into detail – not that anything bad happened – i was laughing to the point of tears. God they were barking in her crotch and lifting her into all sorts of bizarre positions. The look on D’s face was priceless. Ah, if only she were drunk.
But of course, it wasnt over yet. A little later in the night, I noticed P and LM whispering in the corner. Next thing I know, the fucking announcer is calling MY name. And of course, everyone is laughing their asses off, scooting their chairs to the edge of the stage to watch. God. It was so fucking gross dude. They picked the worst one – like a busted up antonio banderas with thinning hair. I couldn’t even look at the dude he was so gross. he kept taking my hands and rubbing his chest with them. Note to strippers: wax, don’t shave. he also had me place them on his ass, which, if you look at the pictures, you can see how dead fish my hands are. The piece de resistance was when he barked in my crotch, and then followed it by straddling me and scooting me ALL the way across the stage. sick dude. Fucking sick. Again. P took great pleasure in this. If we hadn’t left immediately thereafter, i would have bought her a lap dance with her spikey haired boyfriend. But then, she might have enjoyed that…
We left and went back to our hotel. Drank. Then went to Tao – which was supposedly the newest and hottest nightclub. I had called ahead to get us on the guest list, but they didnt have a record of it. Evenso, we talked our way into the place – for free. Heh. Btw, I shoudl mention that we totally made D dress up in teh typical bachelorette gear. She had a penis veil, a thong with a veil, candy necklaces, and I had made her a suck for a buck jolly rancher shirt. Poor D. She was a good sport about it though.
Tao was pretty damn cool. Looked like a party inside one of those buddhist cave temples with all the statues and carved out niches and whatnot. We immediately hit the dance floor and then were surrounded instantly by a wall 5-deep of guys. Id say the girl guy ratio was something liek 50 to 1. maybe more. Too bad they were all so fucking ugly. I really did not understand it–dont people come from al over the world to party in vegas? shouldnt you find some hot boys at a hot club? nope. ugly. really ugly. At first I thought it was just me, but in talking to my other girl friends, they confirmed it. ugly.
It didn’t stop LM from making out with like 2 guys, or D grabbing some random guy out of the crowd. There was this one guy just walking by, minding his own bizness, and D reached out, grabbed him by the arm and yanked him towards us. she kept saying, “DX, DX, right here.” GOD WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS TO ME? She told the guy that he was really cute and of course he ate it up. I stood there with my typical shifty eyes/hair tug. Turns out this guys name is Luigi. Im sorry, but I just really do not see myself dating a Luigi. Like ever. No offense to any Luigis out there, but I just dont see it. Second, he tried to pawn me off on his short trollish friend. WTF? Finally he looked at me and was like, “OH, youre actually really very pretty.” Um. Oh. Thanks. “Actually?” Yeah, later dude.
We moved on to another part of the club and got entangled with a bachelor party. LM kept busy the whole night with another dude who, relatively speaking, was not so bad. D was drunk by this time and was having fun dancing with girls and guys. At one point, she asked me if it would be wrong to kiss a girl. I told her that it was fine. I know, probably bad advice. But she didnt kiss anyone, so it was fine. The one dude who was like seriously, on a scale of 1 to 10, maybe a 2 (if Im generous) kept wanting to dirty dance with me. he also wanted to kept eating the candy off my necklace. I finally let him have some candy (I had to bend down btw bc he was like 5 inches shorter than me) and he basically tried to make out with my neck. Fucking disgusting. The other friends kept coming on to me as well. There was one guy who was funny, but kind of ruined it for me when D asked if he was uncircumsized and he said, “what do you think, I’m European.” I just dont want to have that conversation like ever. he did pull me out of a fight though. Not that I was in one, but 2 gangstas got in a fight right near me and I was totally an innocent bystander in it. I got pushed and stepped on, but he totally saved me. But ya, nothing doing. P was supposed to find me some cute guys but she was tied up talking to some guys of her own the entire night.
Most amusing was the walk of shame back to the hotel room. I had to lead everyone back like a mother hen with her chicks. D was stumbling all over the place. Stumbling and slurring. LM was laughing hysterically at her. And P was telling her bf like 9 million times how much she loved him. Oh good times. Looks like we lost the formerly very single and very independent P to the relationship grinder. Shes still cool, but shes become one of those girls who is out with other girls and IMs and calls her bf a million times. Even not drunk. Oh well. Another one bites the dust.
Next morning we all nursed hangovers. We went to dennys and scarfed down a ton of food. Half way through the meal, I totally pulled an nyc rock – as i rocked back and forth over my plate, only to rush back to the hotel room. We took it easy the whole day – took naps, went to tea at the bellagio, went shopping, had sushi. There was a lot of girl time in there, which is something that, I, not being a very girly girl, tend to disregard. It was good though. We spent hours talking about LM’s boy that shes supposedly not interested in. Did I mention that she drunk-dialed him (of course) during the night, then handed me the phone when his VM came on, and that I said into the phone, “HI! LM LOVES YOU. BYE!!!” yeah thats right. Dont hand me the phone next time. heh.
And so we wound down our weekend in Las Vegas just chilling out and being girls and bonding. I had a really good time – my first (and def. not last) time to party in vegas. Next time around, a few lessons learned:
1. find out where the hot guys are going
2. stay away from strip clubs
3. make sure you are drunk 90% of the time
4. never take no for an answer when trying to get into a club at the front of a line…for free.
Tahoe Weekend
A few weeks ago, when the weather turned from treacherous to beautiful, C and I decided to get a room in tahoe and just go up there to relax. First priority: meeting guys. Second: Snowboarding. We took our time getting up there, arriving just as the sun was setting over the Lake. It had been a fun drive – total road trip feel to the whole thing, even though we have been to tahoe like a million times. Our room was pretty nice – so nice that we didnt want to leave. I dont know what it is about watching cable tv in a hotel in another town, but I always love it. We ordered in and watched the olympics like 2 grandmas. And then, at 11pm, rallied to go out.
Our first and only stop was Cabo Wabo in Harrahs. Lets just say that I’m usually cool with going to a club but I was fucking intimidated the moment I walked into this place. There were seriously like 100 guys for every girl. Total sausagefest. Just in walking to the bar, we got hit on like 9 times. The best was one guy who said “hey hows it going” to C, and C saying, “Im not drunk yet.” NEXT.
We got our drinks. downed them. Then found a place to stand where we could scope out the surroundings. It wasnt long before this creepy stalker – C called him Creepster – started lurking around us. God he was so damn obvious. he would walk right in front of us. Stop. Stare. We would immediately avoid eye contact and turn the other way as if we were looking for someone. Then Creepster would come around THE OTHER WAY and stop. stare. We thought that we had gotten rid of him but C was not so convinced. It was like being chased by a crazy person. “Where is he? Where is he?” “I think hes gone.” “No, I think hes still here.”
Turns out, C was right. I was talking to her with a false sense of security when i noticed C’s eyes grow large as she started to spit up her drink. IT was as if she were trying to warn me of…and then….”tap tap.” CREEPSTER WAS TAPPING ME ON THE BACK. oh god oh god oh god. Rule #1: DO NOT TAP A GIRL ON THE BACK IF YOU WANT TO GET HER ATTENTION. I mean for real. If you can’t approach a girl with a simple, “Hi, how are you.” and have to resort to tapping someone on the (lower) back. Then you do not need to hit on a girl. You have no chance. If you combine that with the fact that you are drunk and creepy. Also no chance.
By this time, though, I was already laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes. it didnt help that C was hunched over her glass, shoulders shaking, laughing too. I tried to be nice to the guy, but I was extremely creeped out by the fact that all of his friends were staring at us with hungry eyes, watching us as if we were animals in a cage. Quiver.
Luckily, a table opened up, and I motioned for C to take it immediately. I told Creepster that I was going to go over to the table bc we had been waiting for one all night. I mean, even though he was an obvious loser, you would think that he would invite himself to sit down with us. He didnt. Question: whats worse than a creepster? Answer: A creepster with no balls.
NEXT.
No sooner did we sit down than we were swarmed with guys. one guy was the typical plain white boy next door. He was very average, but I actually found him to be really really funny. I mean he was very belligerent in a way, but also goofy and self-depracating. he woudl say stuff like, “Look at my friend over there. What a gorgeous guy. I’d fuck him in a heartbeat.” I know that sounds gay, but it was actually very funny. it worked well in a bar setting — all the bullshitting — but I couldnt tell when he was telling me the truth and when he was lying. I did find out that he was in the navy for 8 years or so. Was? Damn. Note to self – I still need to make out with a guy in uniform before I die. Preferably a sailor. I’m sure it won’t be too terribly hard. Anyway, he extended his welcome when he tried to kiss me – like 5 times. I didnt want to kiss him bc I wasnt that drunk yet (even though we had done tequila shots,and I was buzzing so hard) and he was way more sloshed than me. Like drinking since 10am drunk. Thanks, but no thanks. He said, ‘why are you being a bitch?” I said, “why are you still talking to me?” End of story. Game over.
His friends were a little more polite. The dude chatting up C was very very very nice – and very gentelmanly. he kept telling the guy hitting on me to chill out and back off. He was a good guy. you could just tell.
But because guys were a dime a dozen, in came another friend. This was the friend he thought was so good loooking hed want to fuck him. He was cute, I guess. But I couldnt shake the fact that he looked exactly – and I mean exactly – like a 1970s Bruce Jenner. Hair, height, everything. Again, he was a nice guy. he told me I looked like angelina jolie, which I totally don’t, but it’s weird bc it was the second time that week i had heard it. If long dark hair, high cheekbones, and google eyes mean i look like angelina jolie, then yeah I guess I look like her. But its really really really a stretch. Anyway, Bruce told me that he wished we hadnt met at a bar, that he wished he coudl talk to me outside of this scenario, that it was hard getting to know someone in a bar but that he wished he could, etc etc. Then he invited me and C back to their cabin to hang out in the hot tub. Access denied dude. If my sister had been there as a chaperone, it might have happened. But on our own – too dangerous. He told us that he woudl give us massages. I was like um, that isnt really a selling point dude. But it turns out that he and his friends were physical thereapists of some sort and so i guess it made more sense. Still, we werent going back to any cabin. No fucking way. C’s boy was a little more diplomatic, “im not asking you to come back to our cabin, i just want you to dance.” Bruce said he respected my decision but that it could be fun. I said, ya, maybe if we were with more people, but not tonight. So, after going to the bathroom and discussing our options, C and I notified the boys we would be leaving. C’s boy said, “I figured as much.”
Unfortunately, guess who followed us upstairs? CREEPSTER!!!!
Luckily, we were escorted by a very nice security guy who realized we were ‘back’ through the casino to the garage (we got lost) during the time that Creepster caught whif of our scent. God so creepy.
And then back in our nice room where we fell asleep with the room still spinning.
Random night of dancing
This last story is short – it involves me, C, P and her cousin, and a pre-pussified DJ (DJ, in case I havent mentioned it, found a gf, and after only 3 weeks refers to them as a collective unit, as in “we would love to join you for lunch” even though only DJ has been invited. So weak. I give him shit all the time bc we used to always joke about how people become obsessive in relationships and now look at him. Thats 2 friends Ive lost to the relationship mill). Anyway, we went to this OM records DJing extravaganza, which was fun. Naturally the crowd was filled with some interesting characters, namely some old dude who dressed like he was from MTV, wearing a sweatshirt that said “world eye” in old english on the back. And some other dude who was like a mix between the jolly green giant and geronimo. It would take me all day to go through all the characters there, so I’ll just sum it up and say that it was a typical night in SF : lots of weirdos. Lots of people smoking weed. Lots of nasty guys hitting on us. And of course, no night is complete without the tag team duo of Mario and Luigi doing a synchronized dance on the dance floor. So weird.
And fucking P took it upon herself to find me a guy in that mix of weirdness. What is with my friends going up to guys and pimping me out? She found this tall guy who you know, was actually kind of cute. But if a guy needs help to approach somoene, then hes not the guy for me. I need someone to go after me (just not in a creepy fucking way). P grabbed him, grabbed me, and literally forced us together. Even with all that help, he still was so timid. We talked for a while and then we were naturally separated on teh dance floor. Again, P goes to him, says something and then brings him back over. GOD. So we talked some more and I found out he works at Lucas, which is exactly what I expected. He totally reminded me of Dolby – tall, lanky, and no real social skills with girls. Im all for tall lanky dorky guys, but I also am really into guys who are confident. It wont work otherwise.
Like Bruce jenner, he told me that he wished we had met in a regular setting and not a club bc he really wanted to talk to me and get to know me and blah blah blah blah blah. Still he couldnt seal the deal. This would be the time to say, “since we can’t talk here, how about we meet sometime this week for drinks/coffee/lunch/dinner.” Of course he didnt. And I knew he wouldnt. I mean come on, all the hard work has already been done for you – the girl was literally placed in front of you – and you still didnt knwo what to do? yeah, sorry. Nice guy, but in this case, he finishes last.
This week is C’s bday weekend in LA. Im pretty stoked. MM06 is on its way.
