Day 90

P and I talked last night. She invited me to her bday shindig. Told me Pool Boy (the original) was probably going to be there. At which point I got all excited like a dog in heat. OOOOOH, POOOL BOOOY….can’t wait to get my hands on him and “accidentallly” spill water on his shirt and touch his arms and…P interrupted to add that I could bring SCB. Dammit. It didn’t even cross my mind to invite him. I’m definitely definitely definitely going to hell.

Would like to see and flirt with PB. Extend the evening to the point where P is getting drunk and PB and I are dancing again. But not with SCB there.

If SCB joins, then there are a few possible scenarios. 1. I flirt and SCB gets jealous 2. I dont flirt at all and scb is clueless. 3. I flirt and SCB is clueless 4. I flirt, and PB responds and PB gets jealous of SCB. Potential lust triangle situation. Oh, the drama.

most likely though, Ill screw myself over, as is usually the case, and end up pissing off scb, and getting rejected in the flirting dept by pb.

still…can’t say that the idea doesnt intrigue me.
I mean, this def brings to light that scb and I are more than dating. Or else this wouldnt even be a big deal. And what does “dating” mean anyway? If we were really dating, then wouldnt it be okay for me to see other people, and vice versa? Isnt that how it works?

I mean, do i really owe scb anything? he’s the one who’s already decided on a future that doesnt involve me. Doesnt that say something about *us*?

or am i just going to hell for thinking this/wanting this/dying to see pool boy?
what the fuck. Im going to hell anyway.

may as well be hanged for a sheep as for a lamb.