Do you see what I have to deal with, people?

On the whole, the Marina Girl maintains her high quality of life through a series of arrangements with older gentlemen in neighboring Pacific Heights or through large monthly allowances donated by her Marin-county dwelling parents. During the weekend, Marina Girls, dressed to the nines, tend to gravitate around the area dubbed by Herb Caen as the “Bermuda Triangle”: a collection of bars and restaurants on the corner of Fillmore and Greenwich streets. This is where the Marina girl maintains her reputation for being a Turf [3]. She can often be overheard discussing the latest wedding, baby shower, or 35th birthday party of her friends and expressing barely-suppressed bitterness at her lack of a husband. In recent times this area has become known as Gavin Newsom square >with a collection of Newsom-owned businesses dominating the triangle. Mayor Newsom’s Matrix-Fillmore, Plumpjack Wine, Balboa Cafe, and Plumpjack Cafe are all Marina staples that dominate the landscape and a prime location to meat a Turf [4].

A Marina girl also tends to spend her weekends indulging in mani-pedi’s at one of over 25 nail salons that exist in a one mile radius of the area’s main digs. On a clear, sunny day, you can see her sunning herself in a tiny triangle bikini top (spray tan fully intact – a clear sign of a “tanorexic”) outside a popular cafe sipping cocktails, an iced coffee, or even indulging in a heaping cup of fat-free frozen yogurt (a main food staple among this group). During the week, the Marina Girl can be found looking for companionship at the popular Marina Safeway (aka “Dateway” and as mentioned in Armistead Maupin’s Tales of the City).

When a Marina Girl turns 35, as the majority of the population is, she graduate from being known as a Marina Girl, or Turf [5], and is now a >”Cougar”[6]. A few places in the Marina with a high saturation of Cougars are Balboa Cafe, East Side West, Cozmo’s, the California Wine Merchant, and the aforementioned Marina Safeway.

The Marina Male, as satirized in the Keanu Reeves film Sweet November, can often be found driving up and down Chestnut or Union Street in a leased, automatic-transmission equipped, German automobile, usually in silver or dark grey, but in some extraordinary cases dark blue. Three particularly popular models are the Porsche Boxster, Audi A4 and BMW 3 Series, often with an affixed ski or bike rack, for the rare visit to places outside of San Francisco. Asian Marina Males typically purchase the Lexus IS 300. The most common variation of the Marina Male is white, relatively short, balding and bloated from the over-consumption of beer that his 30-something body can no longer handle the way it used to.

Stereotypical Marina Males are employed in the areas of Law, Finance, IT,or Sales. The most common position is an investment banker. Marina Males usually wear the fashions found in Banana Republic, The Gap, or Ralph Lauren. Collared, stripey dress shirts [7], with varying patterned cuffs usually worn tucked-into pants during the week are usually kept untucked
>on weekends (aka The Marina Party Shirt) in conjunction with a pair of casual Diesel Jeans, Seven, AG or True Religion jeans or zipper sweaters.

On summer days, the Marina Male can be seen sporting a pink polo, with a ‘popped up’ collar effect, matched with a “Live Strong” bracelet and Rainbow or Reef sandals, despite the cold summer temperatures. Weekend and some week-night activity revolves primarily around a physical fitness regime while scoping out the local “talent” (read Marina Girls) at the tres
popular Gorilla Sports on Chestnut Street. When not looking for companionship at the aforementioned Marina Girl hangouts, most Marina Males spend their time watching sports at Greens or Baysides bars, or on their IBM T-Series or Apple Macintosh laptops at Starbucks or The Grove, a trendy cafe found at the corner of Chestnut and Avila streets. Other places with a high concentration of Marina Males are The Matrix, Delaney’s, the Horse Shoe, Pizza Orgasmica, and the famed corner of “14th and Minna”.

When the Marina Male turns 40, he is no longer considered a Marina Male. Instead, he becomes an “older gentlemen”, moves to Pacific Heights, and enters into a series of agreements with younger Marina Girls (as aforementioned in this Wikipedia entry). During weekday mornings and afternoons, he can be seen “interviewing” these Marina Girls at either the Fillmore or Chestnut street location of The Grove. The vehicle of choice for the “older gentlemen” is a leased BMW 7 Series, Mercedes-Benz S class,and in the most common case – the Mercedes Benz SL convertible. It is not uncommon to see the “older gentlemen” drive through the Marina and Cow Hollow in search of companionship. The most common driving route is west on Union Street (just west of Van Ness Blvd), a (right) turn north onto Fillmore, and a left (west) turn on Chestnut until reaching Divisadero. At that point, the “older gentlemen” drives as quickly as possible to the Marina Green parking lot.

While the vast majority of Marina Girls and Marina Males lease vehicles, most prefer to use transportation provided by MUNI, the San Francisco Municipal Railway. The 41 Union and 30X Marina Express (aka “sex-press”) buses are the most popular and serve to foster traditional mating rituals during the morning and evening work commutes. The aisles of the MUNI also serve as make-shift catwalks on which Marina Girls will assess their female competition with a very thorough once-over, often checking for the much coveted 3 or more carat diamond engagement ring on her perfectly groomed ring finger. The Blackberry and Apple iPod are de rigeur possessions. The Rolex wristwatch is a means used by many Marina Males to differentiate themselves from others. Marina Girls commonly carry Louis Vuitton, Gucci or Kate Spade handbags and often protect their delicate blue eyes with a gigantic pair of Dior shades, which are helpful in disguising their often “butter-face” features.