Weird. SCB was online today–the first time I’ve seen him online in maybe a year? I contemplated saying hi. But then I thought, what’s the point. I have nothing to say to him. If he wanted to talk to me, he would contact me. End of story. Pat on back. Moved on.
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I’m thinking about moving. I don’t know if its because of all that has happened in such a short period of time, but the morning my dad died, I remember watching the sunrise from his hospital room, and thinking, I need to do something different with my life. I don’t know what that *different* is, but when I was in DC, fall was already slipping into winter. Golden and red leaves swirled around and blew in the air like a scene from a movie. It just made the feelings of change stronger. We’ll see what happens.
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It’s Halloween. my dad’s favorite day of the year. Mine too. Today the pain was as sharp as ever because usually, on Halloween, my dad sent like 5 to 10 halloween-themed egreetings or some crazy forward in email.
Today–nothing but junk mail. I knew that would be the case, but it didn’t stop me from searching; thinking that maybe it somehow just got lost.
The end of Halloween ushers in the holiday season. It’s weird to see the santas and reindeers and angels replace witches hats, ghosts, and skeletons. It doesn’t feel right. It feels too soon. I know a lot of this is because this is the first Halloween I’ve spent without my dad. I feel like going into the stores and pushing the christmas stuff aside. I want to yell – you can’t celebrate christmas just yet, my dad still hasn’t celebrated halloween.
There are two cards on my desk. Halloween ones. I was going to send them to my dad. I was waiting until it was closer to Halloween before I did because I wanted to time it so that he’d get the cards as close to Halloween as possible. Now, I can barely even stand to look at them.
