TEXAS 45, OU 12
NOW WHAT BITCHES!!!
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sorry, I had to go there. too bad they cut off the end of the game in cali. fuckers.
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Last night went out with Beaker. Well, this was a fucking weird date. I’m too tired to go into the details, but to sum it up, it was very hot and cold. Dinner was great. We struggled to find something to do afterwards. We ended up at my place trying to figure out what to do. Then he got frustrated w/me (even though I was willing to do whatever he suggested) and abrubtly announced he was going to leave. Which pissed me off. So then we sat and talked for another hr or so. Then he asked if I wanted to watch a movie w/him (on the couch) and I was like, “no, too coupley.” Then it became awkward again. Then he got up to leave again. Then I told him he was being a little bitch. On his way out the door we started talking, ending up on the steps trying to figure what the fuck was going on. He asked me why I hadn’t just kicked him out, and I said, if you’re trying to manipulate the situation, youre fucked up. More talking and hashing out relationship concerns (I basically laid it all out on the table, no holds barred). We ended up upstairs again, chatting until 2:30 am. Finally, we started wrestling around/tickling each other. But nothing happened.
I told him he really should stop freaking out, and that he should stop assuming that I feel or don’t feel a certain way bc its making him paranoid. I told him I wanted to take things step by step, be in the moment; that I think its stupid to just get all worked up over this. Clearly we enjoy each others company, so lets just see how it plays out. He told me that its easier for me bc if I decided I wanted a boyfriend, I could get one *like that* Uh, I dunno about that, maybe its true. Then he told me that even though he isnt trying to be my boyfriend, and understands that I am not seeing him exclusively, that he was good for me. And that he would treat me well and that he could give me what I need. Interesting coming from someone who almost walked out twice.
In short, the whole night had me really confused. I’m glad we talked about these things, though, although at the same time, I def see him in a different light than I did before. Before, i was confused about the idea of a relationship between us. Now, Im just confused about him.
Like I told him, this is why people date.
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on a sidenote–i need to boast about how fucking awesome I am. Went to our company’s sample sale (I work for a major retailer) and scored a shitload of goods. Couch w/chaise = $30. One end table and one nesting table = $10. Plates, pots, magazine rack, wine racks, wine glass holders, shelves, bulletin board, trays…god it goes on and on and on. Grand total=$90. Sometimes I really fucking hate working for my company, but after today, I have to say I feel a little pang of loyalty. Its pretty damn sweet.
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Tonight: we were planning on hitting the town for fleet week. We both are acting our age, so I dont know if it will happy. Regardless, a pretty sweet weekend thus far.
Editor’s note 11/2/15: Once again, I have found reading these old posts to be excruciating. In my dumb twenty-something year old head I remember thinking my relationship with Beaker was very casual and playful — very much a 1950s type of ‘romance,’ though it’s pretty clear he didn’t necessarily feel the same way. I don’t know if I ever really thought of us as “dating,” but after reading these entries it’s obvious we were — and that *I* was probably the most confusing, worst person on the planet to date. I think part of the ‘confusion’ was that he traveled a lot and I dated a lot so we weren’t always in contact. But the bigger, more glaring reason for all the ‘confusion’ was that I was just not ready to be in a relationship.
