…and so it continues. The never-ending wedding drama that I thought would be over by now. Or that I thought would never exist. I thoughtthat by not doing anything with any of the boys would keep me out of the mix. But it almost created more problems.
Had whats his face and I just kissed, I wouldn’t have had to go into drunken detail with him about all the reasons why not. Which brought up all these reasons that dealt with one of the other bridesmaids. Which then became an issue of him and her. And even though I was only repeating what 2 other people had told him that night (both drunk too), I’m guessing that the fact that it was reinforced by my actions sent the message home.
So apparently he’s been distant. And theres concern that maybe he read my LJ. I dont think thats even remotely possible b/c there was such a tiny window between when I posted, and when I made the entry private. The reason for the concern is that apparently some random dude at the wedding asked D for the link. Not random, but not someone she knew all that well. She refused to give it to him. And he said, “thats ok. I can get it from someone.” The reason why it is a problem is bc there were some things I posted in there that I thought was public knowledge. It wasn’t. And should it get back to certain people, I think it could strain their friendship with the person it was about.
Augh. It’s all so complicated, and I feel bad that I may have caused unneccessary problems, even if I had the best of intentions. This is exactly why I told the girls that I wanted to make out w/some random boys on the night before the wedding – so it would be clear to everyone that I didn’t want to be involved. It prob wasnt our place to say anything to him, but at the same time, we were just looking out for the other bridesmaid. Bleh. Bleh. Double Bleh.
Catch-22. Had we kissed, we wouldn’t have had “the talk.” But kissing was really not an option, ever. So what the hell do you do?
I think it will all blow over, and Im sure none of the guys involved are analyzing it like us girls. Still, it bothers me. Bothers me like how I found out that one of the groomsman told D that he was put off by the “way I was” during the wedding. Which annoyed me bc we had all of one conversation. A conversation I didn’t take too seriously bc of the nature of his personality (and the fact that he was hitting on pretty much ever single girl w/in a 5 mile radius) which is not all that serious. How was I supposed to know that the one moment that we exchanged words, was the one moment when he wanted to be serious?
God. Again. Here I was just trying to mind my own business. Not get involved. Not do anything that would detract from the wedding. Just play it safe and keep my nose clean. I was trying extra hard to just keep out of it bc I didnt want to get swept up in all the bets about who would hook up with whome and whos single and whos not and all this stuff. I just did not want to go there with anyone. Especially with people I’m just getting to konw. Im just not sure what people want or wanted from me.
Its just a stupid journal-my personal thoughts that I doubt very few people read. Its just a stupid kiss – one that never happened.
I was just there to be in the wedding and watch 2 of my friends get married. That’s all I ever wanted.
Sigh.
