It’s just barely Christmas. It snowed last night here in Texas on Christmas Eve, and is supposed to snow tomorrow as well. I’ve seen plenty of snow before in my life, but for some reason, a Texas snowfall makes me feel like an excited little kid again.
I remember the last time it snowed in Texas when I was here. That night, X2 and I went out to dinner. We danced in the snow in the parking lot. Then, when I dropped him off at his apartment, he told me that he had decided to move to LA.
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The other night, I met up with a bunch of friends at a karaoke Christmas party. Zakk, my sis, my bro, Brim, Bee, B, and X2 were all there. I didn’t notice X2 (formerly known as THE X, aka the X before scb) immediately upon entering. I knew he would be there, but I wasn’t really looking for him. After hobnobbing for a while w/my friends, I spotted him sitting in the corner at the opposite side of the room. I can’t tell if he noticed me (he must have) and intentionally didn’t say hello, or if he was waiting for me to approach him. Knowing him, he was being his usual shy, elusive self, and waiting for the right time to approach me.
Eventually, I made my way over to his dark corner and we hugged for longer than usual. The first awkward moments of our conversation consisted of playful sarcasm, aka flirting. Since we run with the same group of friends (people I’ve known since high school), seeing him was like seeing an old friend, as if he has always known me. He also represents Texas and my life here, and for that reason, there is a natural ease with him that feels like home.
Then, while X2 was talking to some guy, CT asked me what was going on w/X2. I said nothing’s going on. He stared at me with this yeah, right look on his face and said, “its pretty obvious.” “What’s obvious?” I said, “he lives here, I live in Cali, he’s had girlfriends…” Then CT, the person I hold responsible for our demise, said, “yeah, but you’ve had boyfriends too, right? You two have got that something together…you always have.”
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Today, while sitting at the museum w/Zakk, twi, and my bro, eating mcdonalds ice cream cones, I thought of X2–about us then–2 crazy kids traveling the US together with like $5 in cash. I thought about us in Vegas–how giddy crazy in lust we were that people mistook us for newlyweds. I thought about the night before–how easy it felt to be with him. And I smiled. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.
I’ll always be happy for the time we share together, but I don’t necessarily expect or want us to have a future together.
I guess this is the closest thing to closure I’ll ever get.
