being back sucks.
right now, there is nothing in sf that I care to do and nobody in sf I care to see. I know my friends are here and whatever they care but its still a kind of isolating experience to have to go through. None of my sf friends were with me in houston, so how can they even know for a second what it was all like?
i’m also sick of pretending like i care about stupid problems like work and boys and whatever stupid shit that is going on in everyones lives because i really do not care. its just white noise to me. one part of me is able to function and laugh and be me, but meanwhile, inside, its just one big fucking shrug.
i spend a lot of my time talking to this one guy at work who isnt really my friend and who I never hang out with. he sits across the office and our communication is only through IM. His dad died last year so we talk a lot about it, and how people can try to empathasize, but they really can’t, and how you know they care, but at the same time you just want them to shut the fuck up with their sorrys bc they still have their dads and a part of you thinks thats so fucking unfair.
we talk for hours, even though it puts us way behind in our work. And we don’t care. we talk about how its some weird secret club that we belong in, with the password being, “my dad is dead.”
its weird. the people you never thought you’d be friends with have all of a sudden become the only people who can give you any sense of normalcy.
