Oh God where do I start. Where do you begin when your head is filled with so many recent memories, when you felt so many emotions–emotions you thought you would never feel again and never will. How do you wake up from a dream and return to the reality of a not-so-terrible life, but still a life with mundane realities like work and people you have been dating for a while and going to the gym. It’s the same routine today, and tomorrow, I’m sure it will continue. But I’m still thinking about the past five days. I’m overly sentimental anyway, but it’s like my sister and I described–the summer camp syndrome–where you meet so many people and bond with them and share amazing experiences, knowing full well that it will never last, or at least, it could never continue in such an intensely exciting way as it could when you are given just a few days to enjoy it.
And now, I sit here at work, filtering through emails from stupid people, and I just kind of want to laugh. I feel like I’m so above it all now. As if the world let me in on some amazing secret to life. All of this–the little bullcrap that people get all worked up over–means nothing. Zero. It may be the reality, but it’s not my life. And I just have this smirk on my face today b/c they will never know what it is to do the “jersey dance” or how it feels to be called a “hot dog” or what 5am at the Waldorf feels like. They will never see an angry irish bartender chase “Igor” and his boozed up gf out of a bar, or how it feels to be surrounded by three special agents carrying guns, or what its like to ride the longest ride ever while some clown sits in the operating booth with his cell phone munching cheetos. They will never laugh at ice cream cones drawn in the sand or lettuce hanging on a guard rail. They will never ever ever enjoy ice cream as much as I do.
It’s both sad but amusing bc these people would rather fill their lives with the things that don’t matter–like making calendars and arguing the finer points of type or color. The truth is, as dreamlike as the past few days have been, it is a million times more real than this.
I thought I knew everything about everything. Relationships. What I wanted. How I felt about certain people. Fuckin’ NYC.
Now I have even more to think about.
(to be continued…)
