It dawned on me, after racking my brain, and after coming up with no better explanation than that I’m a girl and Im allowed to be moody, that today is one of those would-have been days. Before I say what or why, I want to clarify that I’m not dwelling on the significance, but actually am shocked to find how I am/was unable to escape it.
Scb and I met 2 years ago today.
I’m sure he doesn’t recall, as I barely did, since all the momentos of me had been cleared (something I noticed in his new apartment) and I have tucked away all the pictures and letters and ticket stubs that are fragments of what we used to be. It’s just a date, after all. A pinprick in time that, while tiny, changed me, maybe for better, maybe for worse.
I didn’t bother mentioning this to him when I returned his email today. And why should I. The people we were can never be again. If we ever belong to the other in the future, it will be because of the time we have now, not because of the time we had then.
And still, I cannot help but wonder, if the unshakable melancholy I feel has a lot to do with my subconscious recognition ofa time and place so long ago, and still so close to my heart. After all, I have always been the type of girl who cared more about the little things.
Editor’s Note 11/2/15: Oddly enough, Sly and I were married on this date, 5 years later. Strange coincidence. I didn’t associate the two until re-reading this post.
