So, its over with Beaker. The Canadian was right. Time of Death was 2 weeks ago–the night when he freaked out on me. After that night, every time I thought about him, he made me angry. I didn’t like the fact that he would flip out over nothing (b/c we couldn’t think of a place to go afterwards)? or that he lied to me and told me we were going at my pace, when really he was expecting more.
At any rate, we were supposed to go to dinner tonight, but I never got back to him. It wasnt that I wasnt going to, its just that I wasn’t sure what was going on. This is why people should never make plans over email. Since I hadn’t heard from him on Friday (which is rare, considering he emails me every day), I sent him a quick email asking him what was going on, and that I was confused. He responded,
hey DX – i assumed since you didn’t say anything about my restaurant
suggestion that you weren’t interested, which is totally fine, by the
way… anyway, the way that
things have gone, i just don’t think this is going to work out. but i’ve
had a lot of fun getting to know you, and emailing you, and (yes) being
challenged by you, and i hope that you’ll take care. all the best, Beaker
I’m not shocked or sad or anything, bc I think this is probably the best case scenario. He decides for himself that he doesn’t want anything so that I dont have to have any serious discussions. I totally understand now why men (being that Im the dude in this case) push women away. It is easier.
As C said–he really wanted a relationship, and I really didn’t. Theres just no way it could have worked. As The Canadian said, its really hard to go back to where things were when you lose respect for that person. “He snatched defeat from the jaws of Victory.” Up until that Friday a couple weeks ago, I was totally leaning towards him, not away from him. And then…I just couldnt get over it. The Canadian said, “he can apologize all he wants for his actions but his inate hissy-fit persona is who he is.” I think I realized that–and thats the part I could not get over. The him walking out part. It hit way too close to home.
The unfortunate thing is that I wish we had met under different circumstances bc I think we would have made good friends. Oh well.
In other, bizarre news, I received an email – out of the blue – from Dolby. What the fuck is he doing emailing me? He really didn’t say much, just talked about baseball. But it was so casual, as if we were BFF and/or had been communicating regularly by email instead of the reality which was, I havent talked to him in like 2 months? Um weird. I guess the ball really wasn’t “in my court,” as he said. And I guess he really didn’t mean it when he said “Bye.” — like 3x. Um. yeah.
What a weird fucking day.
I’m kind of over clingy and overly-emotional men. And I’m kind of over being the dude in the relationship. God, you would think that if you told a guy that all you wanted was to “casually date” that that would be a good thing. Whatever. So over it. I have other endeavers to worry about.
Like C2C 05 – which is officially on since C and I purchased tickets yesterday during work. We have a strict drinking regimen set up to prepare us for the occasion.
Editor’s Note 11/2/15: Beaker contacted me several years later via Facebook. Honestly, I was surprised to hear from him since he was the one that broke it off with me (though to be fair I had a huge part in the whole thing). We never really kept in touch or anything but I do know he is married, has kids and became an exec of some sort at Google before moving to NYC to head a start-up. I guess things worked out for the best for the both of us.
