The truth is, the sadness never disappears. Over time, it just became a part of me and my new life. Everything before this day six years ago belonged to another time and place, another life. It’s neither better nor worse, just different.
A lot has changed since my dad died. I wish he could have met Sly. I wish he could have walked me down the aisle. I wish he was just around to talk to. I wish he could give Sly his infamous four hour tour of his garage where he housed all his tools and machinery. I wish he were here to to enjoy the beautiful Fall weather. These are the things that makes me sad: all the moments he missed out on, all the moments in our future lives that he will never experience.
Thinking like this is like walking down a dark, endless, tunnel. And so I force myself to remember the happy times we had together. The happy memories that have become that much more special now that they walk hand-in-hand with sadness: My dad’s goofy grin. His crazy stories. His excessive cooking. His weird and silly personality.
I am lucky–we are lucky–to have so many special family memories. I am lucky that he was my dad.
jj
October 15, 2012 at 8:46 amI’ve never seen some of these photographs…the 2nd one and the one in the dead tree remind me of Kevin B.
jj
October 15, 2012 at 8:46 amAnd his hair was so blond in the latter pic…when he didn’t have product in it.
veronika
October 15, 2012 at 9:01 amThe second one is a scanned slide from when he was in Korea — I started scanning his slides a while ago (it’s gonna take me a while), but never posted any of the photos. The others you have prob. seen, just don’t remember them — they were scanned at Kinkos a few days after Dad died. Remind me to upload them to a cloud at some point so you can have the backups.
veronika
October 15, 2012 at 9:02 amI know, I thought the same thing about his hair, “whoa, was he really that blonde?” Guess so.
mom
October 15, 2012 at 9:04 amAnd he looks real German w. his blond,”rat” hair, he joked, as always.
mom
October 15, 2012 at 9:14 amSee N.’s inquisitive eyes in the picture w. a Volksfest sign in the background? She’s ready to run to it! What was it? I don’t remember that picture.
veronika
October 15, 2012 at 9:17 amI was wondering that myself — look how I am pushing against Dad’s hands and look how he has to hold me back. Maybe a dog or cat or duck or something?
mom
October 15, 2012 at 9:28 amThe ‘Xmas pic. was a treasure. All had “home made” tops on, at 15 (?) Haydn strasse, Furth, Germany.
jacqui
October 17, 2012 at 2:57 amThinking of you and your family, Veronika. Your Dad’s personality, energy and love for his family jump out of these photos. He must be looking down on you all with such love and pride. It is hard to wrap one’s mind around the finality of the passing of a loved one. But all we can do is keep on loving and celebrating them. Love from the Taiwan Ahns, J, S, C and E.
veronika
October 18, 2012 at 1:19 pmThank your for your comments, Jacqui. I’m glad my dad was bit by the photography bug and took so many photos, especially when he was younger. I also love that the photos of him in his earlier years share so many similarities with some photos of myself, my brother and my sister. It’s comforting to know that he is still with us in that way.
funnelcloud rachel
October 19, 2012 at 3:29 pmBeautiful photos and a stunning tribute. And you look just like your mom!
veronika
October 26, 2012 at 6:19 amThanks! I always thought I was adopted because I didn’t think I looked like either parent (although everyone has told me I look like my mom, I never thought so). Oddly enough, I found some old photos of my grandmother (Dad’s side) and I look like an Asian-y version of her.